The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them, and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, "Mom, how many types of "willies" are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree??"
"Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."
He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he
picked
up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice
echoed
from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and
froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised
himself
a vacation after the next big score then clicked the light on and began
searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he
could
disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching
you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the
source
of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam
came
to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, and then squawked, "I'm just trying to
warn
you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain.
The doctor examines him and asks him 'OK, what happened to your back?'
The patient replies 'You know that I work for a local night club?This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom.
On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was
open.
I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone.As I looked down
from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself.
I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that's how I strained my back'.
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said 'My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.
What the hell happened to you? 'He replied, 'You know I have been
unemployed for a while now .
Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late.
I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time,
and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge.
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients
do.The doctor is shocked. Again asks, 'What the hell happened to
you.....?''Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor. _________________ ~ it's not how much you earn, it's how much you can save. ~
I can understand
AN AMERfICAN SALARY -signifying wealth
A BRITISH HOME -not too sure about this one but maybe Brritish homes have all the comforts......
CHINESE FOOD -this one I definitely understand
BUT how does an Indian wife fit into the scheme of things?
I can understand
AN AMERfICAN SALARY -signifying wealth
A BRITISH HOME -not too sure about this one but maybe Brritish homes have all the comforts......
CHINESE FOOD -this one I definitely understand
BUT how does an Indian wife fit into the scheme of things?
hmm...i thought majority indian wife take care of the family then any other race, that's to compare to american wife. _________________ ~ it's not how much you earn, it's how much you can save. ~
Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 1586 Location: PJ old town
Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 1:31 pm Post subject:
NYMPHOMANIACS CONVENTION
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this Convention?" "Lecturer," she responded "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?" "Well, she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait... Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent who are the best... I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
_________________ Niah-gong!!! That deserves a slap
INDIAN WIFE - KAMASUTRA( ART OF SEX )
Beside indian wife dun like to spend so much deh
that means ur sex life quality good lo
AMERIAN
Everything expensive.
Sex oso like hell.
instead of you riding her like crazy bull, she ride u like wild horse and patah ur down there. hole besar lagi. She even will remark your dick as small.
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that
morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and
say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy
Birthday."
I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat
despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning
Boss, and
by the way Happy Birthday ! "
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said,
"You
know, It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you
and
me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's
go !"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a
beautiful
day... We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss,
if you
don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
all
singing "Happy Birthday".
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already.
NAMES OF WIVES
One man had 4 wives, so he called his
4th wife..... baby doll,
3rd wife ....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol
HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?".
RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch
MEANING OF WIFE AND HUSBAND
W --- wonderful
I ---- item
F --- for
E --- entertainment
H---- handsome
U --- useful
S --- smart
B --- but
A --- at
N --- night
D --- dangerous
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