A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered
that she was out of credit;
she asked her son - to use his own phone to pass an urgent message to
daddy who is at work site
After the son had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it
was a lady that picked up daddy's phone
the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile phone. (Women!!)
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work site,
immediately when she saw him,
she gave him a very hot tight slap. While the hubby was trying to ask
why the slap?
She repeated the slap, people from the neighborhood rushed around to
know what is happening
The man asked the son to tell everybody what the lady said to him
when he called, the son said
" the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment. Pls
Try Again Later".
Root of problem: The chinese name - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Tersebutlah kisah dua orang hantu. Mereka ni baru bertemu lalu mereka pun berborakla untuk mengisi masa lapang kehidupan mereka sebagai hantu. Sepanjang perbualan mereka, Hantu B ni tak habis-habis menggigil. Lalu, Hantu A yang kehairanan ni pun bertanya,
"Apsal kau ni asyik menggigil je?"
"Oh..cara aku mati dulu teruk..aku mati dalam peti ais...sejuk!!" Jawab Hantu B sambil menggigil lagi.
"Ooo..kesian... aku dulu mati sebab heart attack." Kata Hantu A ramah.
"Kau memang sakit jantung kronik ye? Apsal ko tak gi buat operation? Kalau tak, sure kau tengah lepak-lepak ngan family kau sekarang." Balas Hantu B.
"Dah,aku dah buat dah !In fact mase aku mati tu, aku in recovery. Panjang ceritanya..." jawab Hantu A sayu.
"Ceritala sikit..Sambil-sambil lepak nih.."
"Camni..Aku syak isteri aku main kayu tiga ngan aku. So this one day, aku ingat nak perangkap la isteri aku..Aku pura-pura gi keje tapi actually aku park keta aku kat simpang hujung umah aku je. Seperti yang aku syak, masuk sebuah keta kat carpark umah aku. Aku rilex dulu sebab nak carik mase sesuai tangkap diorang."
"So, ko dapatla tangkap diorang?" tanya Hantu B penuh minat.
"Tak. Aku cume jumpe isteri aku je kat dalam bilik. Yang aku heran, mase aku masuk umah tu, aku nampak ade kasut laki kat pintu umah aku. Aku tanye isteri aku tapi die takmo jawab. So aku pun lari-lari sekeliling umah aku nak carik jantan tuh. Abis sume bilik aku carik tapi takde pun.. Last-last, sebab aku penat sangat berlari carik jantan tuh, aku pun jatuh pengsan sebab heart attack. And aku tak sangka aku mati lak..." kata Hantu A mengakhiri ceritanya dengan kesedihan.
Hantu B terdiam mendengarkan cerita Hantu A. Selepas beberapa ketika, Hantu B berkata,
"Kenapa kau tak check kat dalam peti sejuk? Kalau kau check kat situ, sure kita berdua still hidup lagi..
> Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
> A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it
> doesn't come means you are in big trouble.
>
> Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
> A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at
> night.
>
> Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
> A: Because they are tired of using their own.
>
>
> Q: What's common between men and video?
> A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward....
> forward... stop and eject.
>
>
>
> Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
> A: A teabag.
>
>
> 7 qualities to be a perfect wife:
> Beautiful,
> Responsible
> Energetic
> Adorable
> Sweet
> Truthful and
> Self-Organized.
> In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S
>
>
>
> Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
> A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.
>
>
>
> Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
> A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When the baby
> looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.
>
>
>
> Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I
> have advised?
> Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day.
>
>
>
> Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters
> the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
> Answer: The boy's hand.
>
>
> Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed
> his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked 'Why'?
> A: The animals told him...........'Your tail is in the front'.
Joined: Jun 14, 2007 Posts: 1551 Location: Catch me if you can! ;-)
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 4:23 pm Post subject:
The 11th Husband
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"
"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him.
" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"You're with the "GOVERNMENT".. This time I KNOW I'M gonna get
SCREWED." _________________ Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend...
Joined: Jul 24, 2007 Posts: 553 Location: Under the Sea...
Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 1:49 pm Post subject:
WHITE WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat
ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of
having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.
JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get terrific head.
Second Date: You get even more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive
dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his
girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's Boyfriend and his three kids move in andyou live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
MALAY WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two
sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's
girlfriend's mother, her two cousins all move in.
But don't worry you can repeat this 4 times...
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles,
Friends and entire arab community finds out.
Joined: Jul 24, 2007 Posts: 553 Location: Under the Sea...
Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 1:51 pm Post subject:
Men Never Listen
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's rest-room, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch!
Each button was identified by letters WW, WA, PP, and a red one labelled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.
He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought.
Men's rest-rooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.
Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.
A large! Powder Puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure.
The ladies rest-room was more than just a rest-room, it is a tender and loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
The Next thing he knew he was in a hospital, as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.
"What happened?" he exclaimed.
"You pushed one too many buttons,"replied the nurse. "The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover.
Joined: Jul 24, 2007 Posts: 553 Location: Under the Sea...
Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 1:53 pm Post subject:
A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!” The wrestler nodded in acknowledgement.
As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t even watch the ending.
Suddenly, there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to watch the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian’s back hit the mat with a thud, and the American collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”
The wrestler answered, “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”
“So,” the trainer exclaimed, “that finished him off, did it?”
“No, but you’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!”
Joined: Jul 24, 2007 Posts: 553 Location: Under the Sea...
Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 1:54 pm Post subject:
Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to Heaven.
Joined: Jul 24, 2007 Posts: 553 Location: Under the Sea...
Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 2:03 pm Post subject:
ADJUSTING TO MARRIED LIFE
This couple has only been married for two weeks. The husband,
although very much in love, can't wait to go out into town and party
with his old buddies.
He says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going coochy coo...?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife says to him, "You want a beer, my love?" Then she opens
the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer
brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India,
etc.
The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can
think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar... you know...
the frozen glass..."
He doesn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him
by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she is
getting the chills holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at
the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I
won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opens the oven and
takes out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: Buffalo wings, nachos
mushroom caps, chicken strips, etc.
"But sweet honey... at the bar... you know... the swearing, the
dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?
DRINK YOUR FxxKING BEER IN YOUR FROZEN FxxKING MUG AND EAT YOUR
FxxKING DAMN SNACKS BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!! GOT IT
ASSHOLE?!! _________________
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Note: Your messages are your words, you are entirely responsible and liable for the content of your messages, as well as your overall behavior as a member of the PJNet community. Although the administrators and moderators of PJNet Forums will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forums, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of PJNet Forums, nor ViNSiGN will be held responsible for the content of any message.
You can syndicate the last 10 posted messages in Petaling Jaya Malaysia Forums using the file backendforums.php
