Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 8:49 pm Post subject: ventriloquist
ventriloquist
a young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in arkansas. with his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "i've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. what makes you think you can stereotype women that way? what does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? it's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"
the embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "you stay out of this, mister! i'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 9:00 pm Post subject: game of intelligence
game of intelligence
there was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. the lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. the lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
the lawyer first asked, "what is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "what goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
well, the lawyer looked puzzled. he took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
the blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "what is the answer to your question?"
Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 1563 Location: PJ old town
Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 11:31 am Post subject:
Sex In The Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down...
and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device...
a vibrator!?!?!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard,"
She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years?
You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids." _________________ Niah-gong!!! That deserves a slap
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian said to the American, you know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so-called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a women whom I don't love. I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems. The American said, "Talking about love Marriage-I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom i deeply loved and dated for 3 yeards. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my stepdaugther and so my father become my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife is my grandmother. More problems occured when I had a son. My son is my father's brother ad so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now, my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems?!"
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!
Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).
Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Joined: Aug 18, 2006 Posts: 3517 Location: somewhere over the rainbow :D
Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:46 pm Post subject:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer:"So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom!" _________________ 24 Hours In A Day... 24 Beers In A Case…Coincidence? I Think Not!
Joined: Aug 18, 2006 Posts: 3517 Location: somewhere over the rainbow :D
Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:47 pm Post subject:
What are the three fastest ways of communication?
Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?
Tell her not to tell anyone _________________ 24 Hours In A Day... 24 Beers In A Case…Coincidence? I Think Not!
Joined: Jun 14, 2007 Posts: 1543 Location: Catch me if you can! ;-)
Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 7:13 pm Post subject:
Pre-take off announcement on a China Southern Airlines flight. This is said to be a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingdao:
" Good affernoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to Qingdao.
Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals
are available to make you feel comfortable. Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty p.m. Hope you would enjoy your
fright with us. Funk kill ! "
Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 1:16 am Post subject: Father of one of my boys......
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place
where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my boys."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
party whom I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher
An Indonesian, a Bangladeshi and a Malaysian are in a
bar one night having a beer. The Indonesian finishes
his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He brags, "In Jakarta our glasses are so cheap that we
don't need to drink from the same one twice."
The Bangladeshi obviously impressed by this drinks his
beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun
and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the
glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same
glass twice either."
The Malaysian, cool as a cucumber, finishes his drink,
throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the Indonesian & the Bangladeshi.
He says "In KL we have so many Indon and Bangla that
we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
Joined: Jun 14, 2007 Posts: 1543 Location: Catch me if you can! ;-)
Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 12:03 pm Post subject:
4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital while waiting for their wives giving birth.
Then a nurse came out and told to the first daddy,
"congratulation, you got twins!".
"Ohh.. maybe its a coincident" said the daddy. "I am working with the Petronas Twin Towers ".
Then another nurse came out and told to the second daddy,
"congratulation! you have triplets!"
"Wooow!, this is a coincident too" said the second daddy. ? "I am working for 3M Corporation"
Another nurse came out and told the third daddy, ?
"Congratulation! Your wife gave birth 4 babies,"
"Thank God ! Maybe this is also a coincident". "I work in Four Season Hotel!"
While, the fourth daddy-to-be were in uncontrolled worry.
All the 3 daddies asked him, why are you seems so worry??"
Joined: Jun 14, 2007 Posts: 1543 Location: Catch me if you can! ;-)
Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:50 am Post subject:
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "£250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "£750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again. You're in my cupboard now..."
Joined: Jul 08, 2007 Posts: 18 Location: nomad.. so, no specific address
Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:22 pm Post subject:
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who is a priest, said; "I am a Father". The little boy replied; "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that". The priest looked up from his book and answered. "I am the Father of many". The boy said; "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way! The priest, getting impatient, said; "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said. "Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar."
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Note: Your messages are your words, you are entirely responsible and liable for the content of your messages, as well as your overall behavior as a member of the PJNet community. Although the administrators and moderators of PJNet Forums will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forums, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of PJNet Forums, nor ViNSiGN will be held responsible for the content of any message.
You can syndicate the last 10 posted messages in Petaling Jaya Malaysia Forums using the file backendforums.php
