Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:13 am Post subject: Made in Japan VS Made in Malaysia
Made in Japan VS Made in Malaysia
A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took his sweet time driving within the speed limit but the Jap was getting impatient.
* The following is their conversation on the way to the airport.
A Toyota Camry overtook the taxi.....zoom....
Jap: Look ...look ...Toyota!! ..very fast!!!.... made in Japan! Proton...no good.... made in Malaysia.
Driver: yah....
After a few minutes a Nissan overtook the taxi....zoom.
Jap: look.... look.... Nissan!!!..... very good!! very fast! made in Japan! Proton.... no good.... made in Malaysia
Driver: yah....yah...
After a few minutes a Honda overtook the taxi...zooom. !
Jap: look.... look... Honda!!.... very GOOD!!....very fast!!....made in Japan! Proton...no good...made in Malaysia
Driver: yah...yah...yah....!
Arriving at the airport. Jap going to pay the taxi driver.
Jap: How much?
Driver: RM150/-
Jap: Oh... very expensive..... you overcharge!!
Driver: Noooo .... look .... look ... Sony meter!!....very good!!....very fast!.... Made in Japan!
Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 4:16 am Post subject: Honest Answers!
Honest Answers!!!
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 2 was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?" Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy. can go to
the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I
have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I
do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Q: What makes a happy man? - you already know what makes a woman happy
A: Daughter is on the cover of Vogue, son on the cover of Sports Illustrated, mistress on the cover of Playboy and wife on the cover of Missing persons.
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward...
backward...forward...
backward....forward... stop and eject.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble.
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag. _________________ We didn’t inherit the Earth from our parents. We are borrowing it from our children.
1. A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B. Ed.
examinations, which the father received as "Father, your daughter has
been successful in BED."
2. A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram
to his wife "I wish you were here."
The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her."
3. A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message
he wanted to put on the cake. He thought for a moment and said, "put
getting older but you are getting better". The salesman asked "how do
you want me to put it?" The man said ' Well...put "You are getting older"
at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom.
When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake. It read: "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom". _________________ We didn’t inherit the Earth from our parents. We are borrowing it from our children.
Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 5:30 pm Post subject: WHERE DO REDHEADED BABIES COME FROM?
WHERE DO REDHEADED BABIES COME FROM?
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician
"Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very
hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently.
"It's rust".
Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 4:31 am Post subject: Think like a women
Think like a women
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman
asked
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to
spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman
asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done
in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,
I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with
you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty
disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a
woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and
wine."
Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 4:33 am Post subject: What they teach you in medical school!
What they teach you in medical school!
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy
class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the
surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is
necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that
you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.
" For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go
ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told
them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my
middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 4:43 am Post subject: I'm married
I'm married
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: " Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M. , drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"
"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.
The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."
"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.
"We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!" _________________ We didn’t inherit the Earth from our parents. We are borrowing it from our children.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(..and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid --
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights --
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor --
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts --
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume --
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish Chainsaw --
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) _________________ We didn’t inherit the Earth from our parents. We are borrowing it from our children.
Ah Seng wants to make love with Ah Lian but he is afraid that Ah
Lian will get pregnant, so he approaches his friend Ah Beng for
advice. Ah Beng said "Aiya, very easy one lah. Nah, take this packet of
condoms and follow the instructions, nothing will happen one."
So Ah Seng takes the condom and at night makes love with Ah Lian. Two
months later, Ah Seng comes to look for Ah Beng and tells him that Ah Lian
is pregnant.
"Cannot be what, did you follow the instructions or not?" asks Ah
Beng. "Na -bei! Got lah. The box says "Stretch the condom over organ
before intercourse, I got no organ, so I stretch it over my piano loh."
One evening, Ah Beng and Ah Lian went to a lounge and requested
the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Lo Ti" (Ah Cheng buys bread).The DJ
told them they only played English songs and asked them to request another
song.
They were upset and complained to the manager that the DJ was
insulting them. After many hours of calming them down, the manager
found out they were actually requesting the Righteous Brothers song,
"Unchained Melody".
Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker centre. Ah Seng noticed the
hygiene grades issued by the Ministry of Health pasted at each stall and
>asked Ah Beng, "Eh, the 'A', 'B', 'C' and 'D' stand for what ah?" Ah Beng
snorted and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you also dunno! 'D' stand for
'delicious', 'C' stand for 'can eat', 'B' stand for 'buay sai' (cannot)and
'A' stand for 'Alamak'!"
=======================================================
Long time ago, a rich Singapore tycoon wanted to know how happy a
man could be if he was given one wish. He paid three people to test out his
experiment. The rules were:
1. Each person could only have one wish.
2. They will be left on a deserted island for 30 years.
3. Food, but not liquor would be provided.
The first contestant, Billy Clinton (USA) asked for 30 prettiest
PLAYBOY centerfolds: "So I can make the most beautiful babies in the
world." The second contestant, Jon Major (UK) said, "I want 30 years'
supply of booze."
>The last contestant, Ah Beng (Singapore) said, "I want 30 years'
supply of Saa-lim (Salem) cigarettes so I can smoke until I song-song." 30
years later, the three contestants came back for a press conference.
Billy had with him 200 children and 30 estranged women. He remarked,"It has
been a long sexual experience for me and was wondering whether anyone care
to buy a child. I will even throw in the mother for free!"
Jon, hanging on to a bottle of beer, was suffering from a hangover but he
managed to utter these words. "God save the Beer! The Queen can drink
seawater."
The last contestant, Ah Beng, hugging onto cartons of Salem shouted, "Ni na
beh! Buay kee gia lighter!!!" (@#$*! Forgot to bring lighter!)
=======================================================
Ah Beng joined a quiz show and was asked to a name three fruits whose
names begin with "A". Ah Beng immediately said "Apple?Apricot?" then he
was stumped. After a while, he finally shouted triumphantly, "Ang Mor Tan!"
Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if he should cut
it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve
pieces."
=======================================================
"Oh, look at the dead bird." Ah Beng looked skyward and said,
Where, where got?" _________________ We didn’t inherit the Earth from our parents. We are borrowing it from our children.
What is the main objective of the STPM; is it just to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the
examinations of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently?
When during your grandfather's time only 10% would have passed?
Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?
Let me put things in their proper perspective.
During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:
In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka ?
The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the o bjective of the exams was to pass people.
I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?
So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer.
The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tact a few years later.
Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year1402. True or false?
Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed
"False".
Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now.
Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us.We are a better country, because we are a 'Boleh' country.
The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:
Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of
Melaka in the year 1402."
Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka.
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% u nderlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Hooiyoh......60% managed to pass! So krever!
But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this :
One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka .
Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?
13% handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", and 10% wrote
"Kentucky Fried Chicken", and 20% wrote "Tree bark".
The official answer was "Food" of course!
Upon marking completion, it was found that 87% of the students had passed.
87%............now that's pretty impressive!
So it's true. The students are indeed getting smarter. _________________ We didn’t inherit the Earth from our parents. We are borrowing it from our children.
Joined: Aug 18, 2006 Posts: 3607 Location: somewhere over the rainbow :D
Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 11:51 am Post subject:
1 of 11:
The nice men are ugly.
2 of 11:
The handsome men are not nice.
3 of 11:
The handsome and nice men are gay.
4 of 11:
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5 of 11:
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6 of 11:
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7 of 11:
The handsome men without money are after our money.
8 of 11:
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9 of 11:
The men who think we are beautiful, who are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10 of 11:
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11 of 11:
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative. _________________ 24 Hours In A Day... 24 Beers In A Case…Coincidence? I Think Not!
Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 8:42 pm Post subject: blonde guy
blonde guy
a blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. he rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "what's up?" he says. "i'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
he rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "daddy! daddy! uncle ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
the guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.
"you rotten bastard", says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!"
Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 8:47 pm Post subject: first class blonde
first class blonde
a plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
the flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
the blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to detroit and i'm staying right here."
after repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. the co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "i'm blonde, i'm beatiful, i'm going to detroit and i'm staying right here."
the co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. the pilot says, "you say she's blonde? i'll handle this. i'm married to a blonde. i speak blonde." he goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "oh, i'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
the flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
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was having trouble with one of her students.
